Here once again

Feels like I'm completely drained of words today. Not very like me at all... I wanna share, but nothing seems to come out. Wonder why...

Can't believe how fast the weeks are going by, it's almost scary. I had so many plans. So many things to do before work starts again, but I haven't gotten around to any of it. Hate it when I make my self to be inefficient. There are tons of things I could do, but for some reason I choose not to. It's like I really need to have some sort of plans to make the day pass without any agony. Even if it's just meeting mom to go grocery shopping for an hour at seven in the evening, it's still enough to prevent me from feeling bad. But if I have no plans what so ever... Oh dear God... Makes me wish I'd never gone outa bed at all that day. I feel no inspiration.

This I was afraid of... This was my big fear. Feeling like I did the last time I was unemployed. I know it's just a matter of months, weeks really, until I'm back att work, mowing the lawn, raking, weeding, tending to the flowers and trees. Watching the squirrels and the hares... But still...

Looks like Valentine's Day's gonna be a girls' night in! Asked Marie, Monica & Noelle so far... And Christine, but she wasn't sure yet... Aaaaaanyway, I'm sure it'll be nice!

Spoke to Monica today and we got to discuss old relationships and men in general. She told me about one of her exs and I immediately came to think about a guy I know. We concluded they were pretty much the same. See I met this guy, many years ago... seven I think... and we dated, hooked up and so on... He was in the military at the time and not here for very long. Any way, we've kept in touch for all these years and we still speak, I dare say at least once a week... As friends of course. We have both been through a number of relationsships during these years. He's in one right now, but seems utterly misserable. Now here's the point. He's asked me a few times if I wanted to get together over a week end for "a nice time" Meaning we would certainly cross the friend line. I'm really, really, REALLY tempted, but seeing since he's got a girlfriend, it's a bit awquard. To his defence he keeps saying he doesn't care about her anymore, it's not leading anywhere and so on... That makes me, and obviously Monica too, wonder why men are such cowards. Not all men, but too many. Why are they hiding? What the hell are they so afraid of? Don't they know it hurts more when they sneak around, than just to break up?
Now I know it sounds unfair, and I'm not pretending girls don't do it as well, of course we do. And of course people can make mistakes, trust me, I have!!! I hurt someone really bad. But like I said, it's human to make a mistake once. It hurts, both parts. But when it becomes a pattern... That's when it's all gone very wrong... I know a number of people who've made infidelty a habit, and I simply don't understand it. I really don't. Although, there's a "but". I don't believe in saying "I would never ever ever cheat... EVER" I feel it's impossible to know. It's like that old saying; You should never say never. Most people have good intensions in all they do, but things don't always go as planned. I've seen too many bad examples to believe in it. I'm not claiming to be some kind of saint, preaching high morals, cause I'm no saint, not at all. But I try my best to live a good life, be a good friend, daughter, Granddaughter and so on... But no one's perfect. We just all need to try and if we fail, just keep trying.

Wow, I've rambled on... Sitting here thinking about what to do the rest of the night... I've just started on the sixth book now, and this one I have no clue what so ever what it's about. Kinda exciting! Maybe I should ease my Harry-need ;o)

Nighty night