Confusion, my constant companion

Have I said too much? I don't know... I tend to really make myself confused sometimes. I say one thing, I believe it, but seconds later I question my own ability to be true to myself. Or maybe it's the act of saying it out loud. It feels like that if you've written something or said it out loud, you simply can't take it back. It's out there. It a fact. I guess that's why I think a whole lot more than I speak. Because as long as I'm the only one who knows, I can always deny it, take it back. I can push it aside.

I thought about this earlier as I spoke to a friend, concerning my self esteem. Lately I've felt really good about myself! Felt that it's all going down the right path. But once we started talking I thought: am I really more satisfied with myself or have I just started to deny my lack of self esteem?? I don't think I have the answer...

And then the for the following question asked: Who am I ? Who do I wanna be? And how do I become that someone? It was alot easier to answer whom I wanna be than who I am... But the after some serious reflection and converstion I realized: I am whom I wanna be, I just don't know how to show it... Or more accurately I don't have the guts. So I got myself another life long home work; To learn how to be me!

And now... Time for bed! =)