They day before...

Did you know there is a internet site called e-Harmony that is one of the world's biggest dating sites and they actually have a research lab in Pasadena!? There's a program about it right now on TV... There are actual scientists and psycologists working to match people up... They do constant live research where they observe couples interact with one another and every ten minutes the participants fill out a form expressing their feelings about the meeting... It is all videotaped of course and there is a group of people watching as they go along, interpreting every single move... Analyzing all the lip biting and hair thrown back etc. They try to match everything... There has to be a physical attraction, of course, and then the forms contain everything from how easily you get angry to which side of the bed you sleep... Unbelievable... Hihi!!! And speaking of dating... I broke my non-dating principle the day before yesterday.... =O Let me tell the tale, hahahaha!!


Christine and I went out to Statt on X-Mas Day! Both of us, not really having ecstatic expectations, but still a bit hopefull. And once we got out... OMG, it's been ages since I had so much fun!! The ecstatic expectations were suddenly blown away! And, for me, besides getting to spend quality time with my sweetie, I got so much attention I've never experienced anything like it before... I'm REALLY not used to that!! Not that I expect it to be that way every time, on the contrary, but it was a well needed confidence boost. We all need a lift sometimes... Anyway about the dating thingie... Me and Christine and Calle were standing at the bar when this guy started talking to me... It turned out we had a lot to talk about =) So when it was time for me to go find my Birgit he asked for my number... And he got it! The day after though, mem'ry hazy and a bit fogged up I was sure he wouldn't call... But he did and Sunday we met up!! He seems like a really nice guy, but it's a little too soon to know whether it's for us or not. And, for my superficial part, he's really tall <3

I really can't belive a whole year has already past... Time has just flown away! All and all I had a really good year! One of the better I think! Keeping my fingers crossed that 2009 will be as good! Normally I don't do new years resolutions, but this year I actually have some... 2009 is to become my "cleansing of the soul year", my do-good-karma... A be-a-better-man thingie! I started out small this year by becoming a blood donor but this year I'll increase a little by signing up for the organ donor program... I've also decided to starting donating money once a month, to WWF and Unicef. And I'm gonna alter my environmental flaws... In a way I'm really caring about it already, but I'm a bit inconsistent... I could for starters buy lightbulbs that save energy, I could go grossery shopping with bags made of fabrics instead of plastic. The organic product thingie I'm already into, but recently I discovered a dilemma... For my personal health of course it's great eating organic fruit and vegetables and such, but if I wanna have tomatos in the middle of the winter I have to buy them from Spain or something... Or bananas from Brazil... The point is that the food has been shipped all around the world before getting here, increasing the polution that's destroying our planet bit by bit. And to make it even harder, a great deal of the Swedish food is sent to, say... China, to be bottled or packed or what ever, just because it's cheaper... It's a really twisted world we live in.. Money is all that matters. Makes me sick... Also I think I'll narrow my meat eating down to once a week.

So consequently my new years resolutions are to start being more human, care more for the planet and those in need. Period!

Having a real slacker day today... Mattias is lying on the couch reading a book and I'm in my easy chair as usual... Trying not to worry about tomorrow and how it's all going to turn out... Everything is planned in a hurry, people calling the last seond to ask if they can come. Not that it's not nice, cause it is, but it kinda leaves me hanging... If I'm hosting something I wanna be able to do it properly, but this time it'll all be improv. ;o) Gonna stop thinking about and just go with the flow... Come what may as they say. Hitting town later, for some last minute shopping and some pool. =) Probably end the day with a movie or two!!

Nah, time to go... O.A.O

December reflections

Think I'll start as usual by saying that "it sure was a while ago since I wrote anything here..." Haha! Don't really know why I keep excusing myself, either it's because I'm truly disappointed in myself for not writing more often, or it's simply because this is a blog and a blog is expected to be frequently updated... Not that I've got the slightest clue whether anyone ever reads this or not, so far I haven't gotten a single comment, but still ;o)

I'm comfortably crawled up in my chair, computer in my lap... Last week I took the time to put up the X-mas curtains, some red tablecloths a lot of x-masy decorations and candlesticks and such... The star and the advent candlesticks in the windows emit a soft cosy light. Finally, it's Christmas time! Oh, how I've longed... There is no feeling like the one you get, sitting in the dim light of a candle burning, the smell of mulled wine, the taste of gingerbread cookies... Oh how glorious!! Get yourself tangled up in wrapping paper and string and the sealing wax sticking to everything. The smell of resin from the Christmas tree... I get all warm inside just thinking about it! I truly am a "X-mas fascist" =)

A lot of things have happened lately and I don't quite know where to begin... There are subjects popping up inside my head at all times that I feel I'd like to put in print, but once I get to a computer, the strong intense feelings seem to have vanished. I get nothing... And things I felt strongly about at one point don't seem that important later on.. Hard to explain...

I've been a bit disapointed lately... both of friends, things and myself... I've felt neglected at times.. Feeling I'd done nothing to deserve that sort of treatment... I really don't understand how people can be so fucking ignorant towards their friends at times... Zero appreciation!!! I don't claim to be a perfect friend, but I do try my best to always let them know that I love them and care about them and that I appreciate what they do for me. You should never ever take anyone for granted... What I was going at was this... Lately I've tried to reach out... But all I felt I got in return was rejection... I haven't shown my disappointment, but it hurts... I don't understand when people got to be so busy they don't even have the time to give a friendly word or.. you know... anything... just a short word to let the friend reaching out know that they care, they're just a little busy. It's hard to explain the feeling, but at times I've felt all alone and totally useless. Wondered what I'd done to deserve such treatment...!? And then finally realised I don't!!! I don't deserve it... And now, as I look back at the specific moments, I see that a few times I over reacted and a few times I didn't... But it's like some sick twisted trend hitting the world with tremendous force... Not only should we, as before, ignore strangers in desperate times, we should now apparently also ignore our friends... What happened to humanity?? We distance ourselves from each other every day... Less and less human contact.. It's so sad... Nah, enough negativity for one night I think!!

There are a lot of good things happening in my life too!! Started hanging out a lot with Christian!! He's a really good friend, we have a of lof fun together!! Last week we had this tacos-beer-soda-and movie night!! It was soo nice... Just what I needed!! Sitting under a couple of blankets just, relaxing!! Awsome!! And last sunday we had a little advent celebration... Mulled wine, gingerbread and rice á la Malta... Perfect first advent!

Oh, I almost forgot... I went and got myself a page on Spraydate... I just had to check it out... A bunch of my friends used it in the past and had gotten different results... I never cared, but after a few recent conversations, I decided to do a little social experiment... Comparing the meat market online versus the real, live version... We all know what it's like at the local club, but I honestly had no idea what it was like at a place like that... Now I do, and I suppose I shouldn't judge all the sites like that, since I've only tried one, but I can tell you this much... It's not for me. I don't even believe in dating... I dislike it... or to be more precise: I dislike it as a way to meet someone for the very first time... It sets all these expectation.. Two people meeting, obsessing about whether the other person finds them attractive or not.. "Does he like me?" Do I feel any butterflies stiring?" "Isn't he/she kind of cute?" It all just feels so forced... The entire meeting evolves around searching for that special feeling, and if you don't feel it, then you had a bad date.. So, what I say is this: I won't go on a date with someone I don't know anything about.. However, I'd love to go for a cup of coffee or a walk or something.. Just as normal human beings, no expectations, no nothing.. Maybe we feel like we have something in common or just like hanging out, hell... Let's take another walk.. And if I then have a some what tingling sensation in my tummy, THEN I'll consider going on a date! Maybe it's just some level of self preservation, a fear of rejection... That could be.. But it doesn't change the facts.... Now anyway, what I was going at was, that the meat market is exaclty the same online as it is off... The same "rules"... Same lame compliments, same tacky invited and so on... Now I'm not saying it's all like that, there were a bunch of really nice guys too... I just didn't make too much of an effort since I wasn't there to find someone. Anyway, like I said I don't date... I did however go on a non-date with one guy... A long walk to be precise... I tried to make it as clear as possible about my hating-dating-thing... Anyway I had a really great time! No butterflies for my part, but I think I might have made a good friend!! =) He's a really sweet guy and you can never have too may friends... So my passive "search" goes on, offline... I don't believe in going looking for love... Not saying I'm not flirting, beacuse I am, for fun... And I'm not exaclty keeping my eyes shut either, but.. for me love comes when I least expect it... when I least need it... when I least want it actually... It doesn't come until it's suppose to, so there's no use trying to rush it! I need someone who REALLY gets me... No luck so far! I think I should hire Christine to find me a man... She's the one person who knows me by heart. All my twists and perks... Buuut, there's no rush, I get what I need right now anyway ; )

Oh and I have to tell you... Today I got offered a spot on the union's board. Felt pretty good actually, I was shocked to say at least! I have to admit I was a little proud! I think I'll accept the offer... One experience richer is nothing to decline.

Time for bed soon... Gonna run down to get my laundry and the hit the sack... But first: A kiss and a huge hug for Rickard! I'm thinking about you hun, keep up the good fight!! Miss you...

And now!! NIGHTY NIGHT!!