Bless you ;o)

Sitting here, at mid day in my easy chair, bored out of my mind. I got stuck with a cold, that just won't leave. I have to say I can't really remember the last time I had a cold. Usually it starts, but always goes away before I get really sick. What happened to my immune defence!? It's pretty funny, I was supposed to go give some blood today, but had to cancel obviously, and the last time it was the same. They must think I'm really strange, haha. Anyway, I really hate being home from work... Not that it's THAT great, but it doesn't really look good with the sick days.

Was away in Stockholm this weekend. Went by car with Christine, Stefan and two others. Got to see a few of my friends, wich was really great! Mattias, Dennis and Emelie. AAAAH, I'd missed my Memla!! She's truly wonderful, one of my very best friends! Love her to death! So now I'm just longing for Tuesday when she's coming home for a few days. We're going to stroll around at Lövmarknaden, just enjoying summer and eachother's company. Erland sent me a text while I was in Sthlm, how big are the odds!? Haven't heard from him in a while and then out of the blue. Too bad I didn't tell him I was heading up there a little earlier... Didn't get a chance to see him unfortunately. Buuuut, better luck next time baby.

I want my week off to begin NOW! Just relaxing... Spending some time with friends, some time at Hasslö going fishing... Maybe go away somewhere.

I have a strange satisfaction... I've been seeing someone recently, and at first I thought we might've been dating or something alike, but now I really don't think that's the case. I really don't think he's got any feelings for me and I'm not sure what I feel, but the weird part is, I don't care... I'm fine. I like hanging out with him... Normally now my state of mind would be weirdly damaged... I'm not capable of having a strictly physical relationship, but... I don't know... Maybe I've changed... Or maybe it's because nothing's been said out loud yet. That could be it. Or maybe it's because his friendship is much more important. On and off as friends for nearly nine years... I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm curious to see if it could leed anywhere... Anyway, I enjoy his company and I hope he feels the same, regardless in what way we're involved. Although I have to say he's pretty *** ;o) AND he's gotten me hooked on motorcycles!

I really should do something useful, while I still got the energy... I already did the dishes and rested for a while so now maybe I'm fit for folding the laundry... Bleh...

BB

Hear me scream!

God, here I go with my thoughts again. Starting to feel pretty pathetic by now, haha. There's always something stirring underneath the surface of Miss. Andersson's mind.

Some relations are really hard to figure out. When you don't quite know where the other half stands. Don't know what button's not to press, what to say and what not to. It's tricky. I dare say I know myself pretty well, it sure would be strange otherwise. But the thing is... I know what I'm feeling, I know what I ought to do, I have a pretty clear idea of what's going on, but still... I can't bring myself to do the right thing. Because I'm scared? Probably. But what do I really have to lose? I know that if I don't listen to my intuition and then things goes straight to hell, I'll blame myself for not doing what I should've done when I felt it coming. If I DO listen and make things happen, I'll blame myself for bailing and for not sticking around long enough to see what would've happened. Weird dilemma. I can speak my mind, but I rarely do. It's seldom it's paid off in a way that made me achieve what I was trying to accomplish in the first place. To day I really felt like bursting into an angry rain of curses as someone made a comment that I truly despised. I had a lot to say, but I've learnt the hard way, that most of the time it's better to keep quiet and let it rest. The downside of keeping a low profile is all the stuff you bottle up inside. I wish I could let some things just slide, let it run off me like water on a goose, but unfortunately I'm not that sort of person. It make me so irritated when this certain someone makes complains about other people. How they have no self distans and how they always think they're the world's greatest. Compleetely flawless. I only have one thing to say: Take a good look in the mirror! It takes one to know one, if you know what I mean!? GAAAAAAH!

I realised a pretty funny thing about myself a while back. I consciously let people underestimate me. Just for the kicks. I sometimes make out to be a fairly lost girl. Unexperienced and unknowing. But the fact is, that's not what I am at all. But it's fun to see how people treat you and then you can laugh silently to yourself. Like the people I work with. They know an Emelie that's not even half of who I am. They know tiny parts of me, the parts I choose to reveal. (Haha, this action is probably some weird disease with a really fancy name to go with it. Wouldn't surprise me one bit. Some social disorder, hahahaha! ) I don't do this for that reason alone, sometimes I use it as a diffence mechanism, when I meet new people. I probably come off as being a pretty stiff, uptight, boring person as a first impression. I like to watch people before I interact with them, I don't say much, just a few sentances here and there until I think I have a pretty clear picture of what they're like. (Wow, reading this through makes me wonder if I should be hospitalized or at the least in a therapist's couch. ) Anyway...

The day after tomorrow I go for a roadtrip to Stockholm with a few friends. Planning to have a great time. Seeing Mattias on Thursday night, Friday's booked with Christine and Stefan, shopping, mary-go-rounds and a gay club included (what don't I do for my friends, haha!?) Saturday I plan to spend with my sweetie whom I haven't seen since last summer. Staying the last night at her place so we can hang out a.m.a.p. My little Emelie =) Maybe if I'm lucky I get to see Dennis and Dick as well, but so far every time I've been to Sthlm, I've failed for one reason or another. It's pretty funny, this week end is the exact same weekend Christine and I went to Sthlm last year. This has to be celebrated, haha!

Starting to get a bit tired now... I ought to go do something useful instead of spending my time in front of a radiating screen. I suppose the ever so appealing dishes await =(

O.A.O