Inspired

Today I had yet another inspiring day. The weather has been absolutely perfect. Can you honestly believe it?? It's not even May yet and it's been 25 degrees C outside. Amazing! It made me feel completely invincible. There's nothing I can't do. Days like these it feels like you high on life. Can't get enough. It's such an exhilarating feeling. I can't press it enough how much I enjoy life!! I love being single, doing whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like. I can "waste" all my energy on my myself! I've never felt more free. For instance, just the other day, Marie called to ask if I wanted to fullfill an old promise we made to eachother a few years back about going back to Greece. Taking a few weeks travelling by boat around the greek isles! I said yes immediately, so this August, away we go. If I hadn't had my kitties I think I might've gone on alone after Marie went back... I have this strong urge to travel the world. Maybe not all at once, but... being spontanious going where ever I feel like going at that moment... Letting fate lead the way. I wonder what's out there waiting for me!? It has to be something... Would I otherwise have had this intense longing? Only one way to find out... Too bad I'm such a chicken. It's odd, I've never really had dreams before. And now. All of a sudden, because of a tiny litte trip to Spain... My vision of life altered. Feel like I'm repeating myself over and over, but life sure has made a nice turn. New friends, new willpower.

Well, enough of my blabbering of glourious wonders.... Tomorrow Mattias is coming from Stockholm. I'm picking him up at the train station and then we're off for Emmaboda. Think it'll be a blast. Bbq-ing, playing games, having some wine, maybe some sing star ;o) Just relaxing, hanging out. Can't wait! And then later this week end I'm thinking maybe some miniature golf. Definitely a walk in the woods. And then of course, and this is tradition, some Futurama episodes. Mattias is bringing his Lacey =)

Brrrr, I'm sitting here freezing. I got a bit sun burned today and as soon as the sun goes away so does my warmth. I really have to put some sun screen on tomorrow. My back is all red. And soon my nose will be as well. I noticed you can see my freckles now if you look closesly. I actually wish they were a little more pronounced, think it's kinda cute. Well, not too much of course, I wouldn't wanna have my face covered with them, but... Just the right amount!

I fixed up my balcony for the season. New furniture, new zinc pots and lotsa flowers. Considering getting a parasol as well, but I don't know if it's overkill. But I do know I'm going to Ikea soon to get those cute little sun cell lamps made of rice paper that you hang i the ceiling. Need something to make it more cosy. I also found out that my hanging chair that I bought a million years ago in London is in fact still in existance. So that might be an option.

I really should be doing my income tax-return papers. It's not due til Monday, but still... Yeah, that decides it. I'm doing it right now!

Over and out!!!

Sick but happy =)

I'm having a good day today. Well, if I disregard the fact that I've got a terrible cold and a temperature above normal, that is. Went to work anyway because both Anders and Håkan went to Copenhagen so it's just Ruben and myself. We had a muslim funeral today and it was my first one ever. It was very interesting I have to say. It was a non-casket one and they were soo fast, but careful. Very virtuous indeed. The Imam preached a little and they had their rituals and all. Too bad I didn't understand what they were saying. It wasn't all that different from our own traditions, but what felt the most weird was the absense of women. Not a single one, only men. I'm not too sure about this, but I think often, women aren't allowed at funerals. However if the person being buried is a woman, the washing and the wrapping of the body right before the funeral, has to be performed by other women. But like I said, I'm not sure. I feel I want to learn more about this.
Kerstin and I took it real easy today, I think she's also getting a cold... But we had a blast as usual. We cleaned the chapel and Kerstin started playing the organ. This was the first time since her "break" that she'd even touched an organ. So proud of her! She played and I sang. I really can't explain, I feel so secure around her. I don't feel ashamed of anything. I truly appreciate her friendship. It's like we're pushing eachother forwards in the right direction. A small step at the time towards becoming... I don't know what, but something good.
I was really suppose to be having a whole week end with Frida, starting tomorrow, but now it totally depends on how I'm feeling. We talked about going out dancing, but I suppose that's gonna have to wait. I was really looking forward to it though, I'm not out that much nowadays. But I get all his energy in the spring time and I'm just filled with this strong will to do.. anything... everything...
But now... I have to lie down for a while, a flush of fever just washed over me...
T.B.C...

Dry thoughts...

I have so many thoughts right now, just twirling around inside of this weird brain of mine. A thousand words waiting to be expressed but there are simply too many of them and it all becomes a blur. Sentences getting entangled. Where to start? For the first time in a while I today found myself doubting the immense happiness I've been experiencing lately. It scared me. I dare claim this is the first time, possibly ever, that I've felt really at ease with my presens without anything specific being envolved. No new love, no new exciting tasks, just plain life. Yesterday I was walking around the grounds and everthing was just so beautiful. Every little pine cone was pure perfection in my eyes and it filled me with a sense of completion. Today, however, another feeling emerged, a feeling not as pleasant. A feeling of doubt. A doubt that made me think I'm weaker than I thought. I makes me agry to think that I let things that people say get to me so easily. There is this one person, nothing extraordinary about him really, he's just like everybody else, has his good and his bad sides. It's just.... When he has a bad day he takes it out on his surroundings big time. And what pisses me off the most is the fact that I actually care and my promise to myself not to... Mouth back, for the greater good so to speak. But it's frustrating, and if I hadn't had my new friend to talk to during at least half of the day I'm not sure I would get through it. So thank you Kerstin, you brighten up my day!! =)

I really should be doing the dishes, vacuuming, doing me yoga, but I'm all drained out. No energy left. I could really use a great big hug right now. Maybe an Anneke-hug =) They're amazing, you can actually feel the possitive energy and love flowing into you. I don't like feeling this way... It's like I wanna laugh and cry at the samt time. Jumping up and down at the same time as dropping to the floor. These are the moments when I miss having a man in my life, a soulmate. Someone to tell me that I'm way better than to feel like that and that I shouldn't let things effect me so easily. Sometimes you need to use other people as a mirror to remind yourself who you really are and that you deserve the things you want and need in life. That you should never let anyone make you feel less of yourself. That you can be exactly whoever you want to be as long as you allow yourself to it. Fear not. I guess that's partly what being single means, having to fight your battles alone without a co-pilot. Don't you just love my ways of putting things!? Haha...

Well, I just had to get it out of my system and now I have. So back to doing some good around here, the sweet dishes awaits me!

Shivering with delight!

I'm getting even worse at writing in here than before! Unbelievable! Have to say I'm little bit ashamed. Haven't written anything since January!! I suppose a breif update from the previous few moths are in order. Almost can't remember what has happened.

Jens and I broke up, so I am now single again. Told you this dating-thing ain't for me. I keep ending up hurting people, feels terrible. Starting the year by breaking a heart is not exactly ideal, but I think in the end it was all for the best. So yes, free as the bird =)

Had a break from work, but instead of the four months it ought to've been, it was just two. Felt great with a break. Think I would've puked all over it if I'd continued much longer. And so during those weeks I got the idea that I should maybe pull my thumbs out of my sorry ass and finally get that drivers' licence that's been waiting for me. So I did. Took nearly six weeks and alot of effort as well as money. It was all worth it! Suddenly I realised that nothing limited me any more... If I'd wanted to move even further from the city, it would no longer be a problem. A sense of freedom I've never felt before. It was a struggle and once it was over... I don't know, I don't think I grasped it. Still not sure I have... But it's there and it's mine and as long as I'm being good, noone can take it from me!

Oh, and also of course I had my birthday; my 26th birthday! Haven't celebrated it yet though, but this Saturday I think I'll have a party for family and relatives and then maybe the last week end of this month I'll have a proper party for my friends.

I started work yesterday and I couldn't have asked for a more glorious day to begin with. The sun was shining, birds twittering, loads of ladybugs and the first bumble bee of the year! As soon as I saw it, I knew it was spring. I was filled with this immence feeling of happiness. For me spring time is a time of reliefe. All tensions are released and an inner calm fills me. It's like I can do anything I put my mind to. I see miracles in everything. Simply loving every second of life. Haha, almost sounds like I went religious. Thankfully that's not the case! I just think there's something magically wonderful about spring time. And as I thought yesterday was to be the highlight, today was even better. I met a woman that's suppose to be with us for a few weeks, work training. She is an absolutely amazing person. I liked her from the minute we started talking and you can do nothing but beam when you're around her. She's been through a lot and despite that she simply radiates with fight and will power. I couldn't stop smiling having met her. I hope she'll be with us for quite a while.

Sitting here thinking of what to cook for the party... I could do a buffet... Cold cuts of meat, maybe som chicken (dare I??) and a veggie- something. Lotsa sallads and hm... Is there time for all of this? Apparently I've been told it's Friday tomorrow ;o) I'm sure I can get som help if I need it!

Oh by the way, yesterday was April-fools' Day and one of our local news papers had the best one. They wrote that there' was this new law, that made all the dog owners to be fined 500sek if they didn't carry a visible pooping bag whilst walking their dogs. After three misdemeanours, the dog will be confiscated!! Brilliant!!! =) I laughed my ass off. However it seems that a lot of people didn't get the joke, o in today's paper was a notice that this was just an April fools' joke. They radio had also went out with the joke that in the near future speed cameras was to be put up at sea. Hahaha!! The weird, but slightly sad part about people not getting the jokes is that nothing surprises anymore. Anything, any law, is possible. The society has reached the point where soon all boundaries are broken and things sieze to amaze.

I sat talking to Andreas, a new acquaintance, yesterday and we got around to talk about things you wanted to do, like learning how to play the guitar or learning a new language and it got me thinking of all my unpersued dreams. Why are they unfullfilled?? What do I have to lose?? As usual i came to the conclusion that it all has to do with fear of failure. Deep down it has to be and it needs to stop. It time to start living the, presumably, only life I've got! =)

So by that, time for supper!

In Omnia Paratus....