Like it's not hard enough as it is... Maybe I should just lay off it... Fuck!
Hoping tomorrow'll be better day!
Nighty night!
Simply me...
- ~Pokus~
- Lyckeby, Sweden
- What's there to say? I'm all me =) And I'm great at it!
torsdag 22 januari 2009
onsdag 21 januari 2009
All mighty joy!
Today was an exhilarating day! Got loads of good news and I just couldn't help but smiling! First of all I learned that Jens is coming home on Sunday; finally I know for sure and I'm longing!!! There's finally a light in the tunnel!
Second of all, though not a very big but yet uplifting thing, I had more than seven hours credited to my flex hour account which means that a few more days and I can take a hole day off if I'd like. Might not sound too exciting but since I thought I only had approximately twenty minutes it certainly was good news. I also filed for vacation on Monday and was granted it emediately! This means three days off from work and a hole day to spend with Jens. =)
Third, I got the news that two friends of mine got a house and are now moving out of the city. Apparently they're fixing it up right now and it is soon ready for them. This might be a spot of light as it's been kind of a rough time for them lately, due to some family matters that will have a fatal ending. It pains me a great deal not being able to do anything to make it easier, but death is the only thing of which we obtain no power what so ever. It always gets us in the end.
And last, but definitely not least, one of my best friends is having a baby! She and her husband seem to have been trying for quite a while and now, just like that, she's got a bun in the oven. =) I was so happy for them when she told me I nearly cried. She really truly deserves this and she's gonna make a great mother! To be completely thruthful it was a rather odd feeling when I got the news... I felt like crying and laughing at the same time. Like I said I was really happy for them but I couldn't help but thinking that I tiny part of me was feeling sad. That made me think of something Jens said about me and babies. He wasn't right about the part about me getting sad baby sitting other people's children, on the contrary, but this baby boom is starting to get to me in a way I hadn't expected. It's like a tiny seed is growing within me. A secret longing for mother hood. Or maybe it's isn't a longing, maybe it's fear. Fear of not getting what I would sorely miss if I was forced to live without it. Either way I don't like these feeling stiring and messing up my head. To quote J.K. Rowling; I have to disciplin my mind! An expression I found most clever. The truth is I mustn't be thinking along those lines now. My life is not in a state where a thing like that would be appropriate. I've just started seeing this totally awsome guy and to be frank I don't even know if we're a couple yet or if we're just dating. Nothing is ever said out loud to confirm these things nowadays. I suppose you have to ask!? I would however dare making a qualified guess and say that at the very least we are past the first stages of dating and based on my own emotions perhaps past the later stages as well. I guess time will tell! =)
And speaking of... I babysat Noelle this week end. She is so darling sweet and well behaved. I just love watching her. There's nothing that makes you more warm inside than hearing a baby giggle! It's contagious in a very good way! =)
I've also decided not to go to Stockholm next week end. Mattias is having his 25th birthday I it sure would be fun, but I'm not sure it's a good time for me to leave. Monday I finally forced an answer out my boss about my working period. Turns out I only have until the end on Januari. It feel better that I could've imagined; I'm so sick of cleaning by now I swear I'll go barking mad doing it much longer. So from that point of view it was terrific. The downside of course is the loss of money. Not that I don't have some stashed away, but it always feels better to get a big fat pay roll each month. To conclude I have to be more economic the following two months, prioritizing what I want the most. Hoping to go to Belgium in March to visit Pierre and Camilla and if not that I'd like to go with Jens (if he'll have me with) to Sundvall for a few days. Then there's Malmö, Kalmar and Emmaboda to visit. And I have a birthday coming up in a month and a half as well. And to make matters worse, or better, I was hoping to finally pull my thumb out of my ass and get my drivers licence. I'm sure it'll all turn out fine!
So now Obama's finally got to the power. I missed the hole oath taking ceremony yesterday and all the celebrations, but I hear it was grand. He seems to be truly loved by a lot of people and in my personal oppinion I think he's going to make a huge difference to the world. He seems so human. So... like us, the people. He knows what it's like to be poor and fight your way through life. He worked his way up just like it's supposed to be. Huge parts of the world is on his side, cheering him on and I see why. It might be way to soon to tell of course, but from the looks of it he puts real value in human lives. Wanting to end the war, exceeding Bush in every aspect of his being. He attempts to amend the foreign establishment throughout the world, something the U.S. has been lacking in resent years. Running their own race. I truly believe this might be the turning point for a lot of people in a lot of places. I kind of renaissance for the pride of the States; meaning they actually might just live up to the praises they so willingly give themselves. Keeping my fingers crossed Obama's all he seems to be!!
Time to make some dinner! Salmon with bulgur salad and lemon yoghurt! Tasty!!! =)
O.A.O!
Second of all, though not a very big but yet uplifting thing, I had more than seven hours credited to my flex hour account which means that a few more days and I can take a hole day off if I'd like. Might not sound too exciting but since I thought I only had approximately twenty minutes it certainly was good news. I also filed for vacation on Monday and was granted it emediately! This means three days off from work and a hole day to spend with Jens. =)
Third, I got the news that two friends of mine got a house and are now moving out of the city. Apparently they're fixing it up right now and it is soon ready for them. This might be a spot of light as it's been kind of a rough time for them lately, due to some family matters that will have a fatal ending. It pains me a great deal not being able to do anything to make it easier, but death is the only thing of which we obtain no power what so ever. It always gets us in the end.
And last, but definitely not least, one of my best friends is having a baby! She and her husband seem to have been trying for quite a while and now, just like that, she's got a bun in the oven. =) I was so happy for them when she told me I nearly cried. She really truly deserves this and she's gonna make a great mother! To be completely thruthful it was a rather odd feeling when I got the news... I felt like crying and laughing at the same time. Like I said I was really happy for them but I couldn't help but thinking that I tiny part of me was feeling sad. That made me think of something Jens said about me and babies. He wasn't right about the part about me getting sad baby sitting other people's children, on the contrary, but this baby boom is starting to get to me in a way I hadn't expected. It's like a tiny seed is growing within me. A secret longing for mother hood. Or maybe it's isn't a longing, maybe it's fear. Fear of not getting what I would sorely miss if I was forced to live without it. Either way I don't like these feeling stiring and messing up my head. To quote J.K. Rowling; I have to disciplin my mind! An expression I found most clever. The truth is I mustn't be thinking along those lines now. My life is not in a state where a thing like that would be appropriate. I've just started seeing this totally awsome guy and to be frank I don't even know if we're a couple yet or if we're just dating. Nothing is ever said out loud to confirm these things nowadays. I suppose you have to ask!? I would however dare making a qualified guess and say that at the very least we are past the first stages of dating and based on my own emotions perhaps past the later stages as well. I guess time will tell! =)
And speaking of... I babysat Noelle this week end. She is so darling sweet and well behaved. I just love watching her. There's nothing that makes you more warm inside than hearing a baby giggle! It's contagious in a very good way! =)
I've also decided not to go to Stockholm next week end. Mattias is having his 25th birthday I it sure would be fun, but I'm not sure it's a good time for me to leave. Monday I finally forced an answer out my boss about my working period. Turns out I only have until the end on Januari. It feel better that I could've imagined; I'm so sick of cleaning by now I swear I'll go barking mad doing it much longer. So from that point of view it was terrific. The downside of course is the loss of money. Not that I don't have some stashed away, but it always feels better to get a big fat pay roll each month. To conclude I have to be more economic the following two months, prioritizing what I want the most. Hoping to go to Belgium in March to visit Pierre and Camilla and if not that I'd like to go with Jens (if he'll have me with) to Sundvall for a few days. Then there's Malmö, Kalmar and Emmaboda to visit. And I have a birthday coming up in a month and a half as well. And to make matters worse, or better, I was hoping to finally pull my thumb out of my ass and get my drivers licence. I'm sure it'll all turn out fine!
So now Obama's finally got to the power. I missed the hole oath taking ceremony yesterday and all the celebrations, but I hear it was grand. He seems to be truly loved by a lot of people and in my personal oppinion I think he's going to make a huge difference to the world. He seems so human. So... like us, the people. He knows what it's like to be poor and fight your way through life. He worked his way up just like it's supposed to be. Huge parts of the world is on his side, cheering him on and I see why. It might be way to soon to tell of course, but from the looks of it he puts real value in human lives. Wanting to end the war, exceeding Bush in every aspect of his being. He attempts to amend the foreign establishment throughout the world, something the U.S. has been lacking in resent years. Running their own race. I truly believe this might be the turning point for a lot of people in a lot of places. I kind of renaissance for the pride of the States; meaning they actually might just live up to the praises they so willingly give themselves. Keeping my fingers crossed Obama's all he seems to be!!
Time to make some dinner! Salmon with bulgur salad and lemon yoghurt! Tasty!!! =)
O.A.O!
onsdag 7 januari 2009
Drafts and crafts..
Today was a good day! I'd expected it to be more dull to return to work due to an, apparently imagined, dispute... I tend to get a little paranoid sometimes when people for no obvious reason start treating me different what they normally do, but I guess this time it was just plain paranoia! I'm glad, really glad that nothing's wrong. Infact it felt better than usual. Maybe it's because you get some time apart during the days off. Anyway I had a blast... Or... Well, that was a huge over statement, but it was good. We took down a great big beech tree today and just the sound of it thrusting down makes me shiver... Shiver in a good way. I love the sound of a branch twitching or a tree falling. Aaaah!! ;o) I also got the keyes to the gym I've been waiting for and I called Stefan to have him but my code in the system. So as soon as I learn where the gym is actually located, I'm ready to kick off! Flying solo in the gym might just be more right for me than struggeling among a bunch of others in a public place. Just doing things in my own pace, no rush! Think it'll be great!
Just a few minutes ago it felt like I had a million things to rwite and now my mind's a complete blank... Sitting at my mom's place, feet on the desk, keyboard in my lap gazing over at the screen... Wish I'd brought my glasses....
Yesterday I cut and dyed mom's hair... Dying - no problem, I can do that blind folded, but cutting.... I don't think I've gotten near someone besides myself with a scissors since I accidently shaved off a piece of Tomas' hair... He asked me once to help him cut his hair in the back of the neck after he trimmed his hair and I didn't realize he'd taken the trimming aquipment off and that it was now a shaver... The rest I'm sure you can imagine for yourselves!? Anyway, the point is, mom's hair actually looked really nice after I finished! Really nice! It was like a little make over! That made me realize I want one too... I'm entering one of those fazes where I feel I have to renew myself... I promised Rickard no impulsive tattooing again though! However... I've been chasing the idea of another piercing for ages now, and I'm not exactly getting any braver as I age so maybe it's now or never! I've had my fair share of piercings during the years, but I now only have two left, not counting the ears. So the question then changes into : Where? My tounge or my lip? The lip'll actually be a reamaking of the old one... Yeah well, if I can't decide, I can always wait a bit longer... But a haircut, definately a haircut! And maybe a streak or two. Bah, enough about the looks, I sound like some teenager!
Started taking the birth control pills again today.... Have to try them again. I got a new brand but I got all depressed and devastated.... I can't say for sure it was their fault, that's why I'm trying them again. But the least sensation of sadness or any other negative feeling I'm off them again. Seems like I'm doomed when it comes to birth control... Nothing suits me... Last ones I tried gave me every single side effect exept for diminished sex drive and head aches. You can imagine how "great" I felt, hahaha!! Bleh, hormons...
I just realized that it was a while ago since I actually wrote something really constructive here... Or I mean... Since I was actually blogging of a subject not containting the word Emelie... Real stuff... Debating over gay rights or the war in the middle east... But to be honest this blog is almost like a friend I can confide in. I don't scribble down my inner most feelings here of course, since I'm fully aware I have a few very faithful readers. Not that I feel I don't trust them, but I prefer telling them in person if there's something really important. Mainly it's just rubbish in here, my every day thoughts and reflections, fears and enjoyments... Well you know me :P
Think I should finish off here now... Try to turn the sleeping hours around!
I miss you sweet...
Just a few minutes ago it felt like I had a million things to rwite and now my mind's a complete blank... Sitting at my mom's place, feet on the desk, keyboard in my lap gazing over at the screen... Wish I'd brought my glasses....
Yesterday I cut and dyed mom's hair... Dying - no problem, I can do that blind folded, but cutting.... I don't think I've gotten near someone besides myself with a scissors since I accidently shaved off a piece of Tomas' hair... He asked me once to help him cut his hair in the back of the neck after he trimmed his hair and I didn't realize he'd taken the trimming aquipment off and that it was now a shaver... The rest I'm sure you can imagine for yourselves!? Anyway, the point is, mom's hair actually looked really nice after I finished! Really nice! It was like a little make over! That made me realize I want one too... I'm entering one of those fazes where I feel I have to renew myself... I promised Rickard no impulsive tattooing again though! However... I've been chasing the idea of another piercing for ages now, and I'm not exactly getting any braver as I age so maybe it's now or never! I've had my fair share of piercings during the years, but I now only have two left, not counting the ears. So the question then changes into : Where? My tounge or my lip? The lip'll actually be a reamaking of the old one... Yeah well, if I can't decide, I can always wait a bit longer... But a haircut, definately a haircut! And maybe a streak or two. Bah, enough about the looks, I sound like some teenager!
Started taking the birth control pills again today.... Have to try them again. I got a new brand but I got all depressed and devastated.... I can't say for sure it was their fault, that's why I'm trying them again. But the least sensation of sadness or any other negative feeling I'm off them again. Seems like I'm doomed when it comes to birth control... Nothing suits me... Last ones I tried gave me every single side effect exept for diminished sex drive and head aches. You can imagine how "great" I felt, hahaha!! Bleh, hormons...
I just realized that it was a while ago since I actually wrote something really constructive here... Or I mean... Since I was actually blogging of a subject not containting the word Emelie... Real stuff... Debating over gay rights or the war in the middle east... But to be honest this blog is almost like a friend I can confide in. I don't scribble down my inner most feelings here of course, since I'm fully aware I have a few very faithful readers. Not that I feel I don't trust them, but I prefer telling them in person if there's something really important. Mainly it's just rubbish in here, my every day thoughts and reflections, fears and enjoyments... Well you know me :P
Think I should finish off here now... Try to turn the sleeping hours around!
I miss you sweet...
tisdag 6 januari 2009
Just a shorty
So, this is the day the three wise men was supposed to've arrived to look at the baby... Honestly I couldn't care less, but it's sure good to have a day off from work. Not that there hasn't been free time lately, but it still came as a blessing. Good to start off work with a slacker week. Only three days to go and then a weekend I really look forward to!
Went skiing with Hansa at Bastasjö today! Loads of people, both ice skating and skiing. It's been ages since I skiied last, I'd forgotten that it's quite a lot of work. But it sure was fun. Hoping to do it again in a not too distant future! We also went up to Rödeby to check out the slope and then to Mörtsjöåsen. It was soooo beautiful! The perfect scene. The lake frosen, the snow completely untouched. It was almost like a postcard, just a little sun lacking! Niiiiice! =)
On Friday, Frida's coming for the week end!!! Haven't seen her in months I think. Gonna pull at least one all-nighter with PS2. Just bought one and I asked Frida to bring some games... Think I'll pay Wallther a little visit tomorrow after work though, to see if I might be able to find a few more games and a memorycard. Maybe a discount's not off the table either=)
Jens left for Sundvall today... He was here last night, we ate a bit, watched two movies... Or... One and a half. The first one was a too dull, so we turned it off, but the second one was at least bearable ;o) It was a really cosy evening... Just sitting crawled up with his arms around me! I like him, I really do!! Starting to get worried that I developed some sort of relationship fobia.. Something that probaly has a really fancy name:P Anyway, it's not incurable! I miss him, that has to be good sign!
Just got an invitation to the year's first birthday party, at Catte's!! Don't know her all that well, but I'm sure it'll be fun! I need to get out more, meet new people... Learn how to mingle! I feel I mature more and more each time I put myself through socializing with people I don't know. Finding myself through interacting with strangers... Compared to ten years ago I'm a whole new person. Now my friends are jealous of my good selfesteem which is... Wow! To sum it up, I'm proud as hell of myself! I truly dislike the word perfect... Perfect leaves no room for improvement, and improvement is a word I really like!
For the first time since... Well... Come to think of it... EVER, I feel like clearing out Christmas! Throw out the tree, I've got needles all over my appartment and damn it hurts to step on them... Dizzy and Phoebe find it absolutely hilarious to play under it, drinking the water... Dizzy's got some sort of twisted glitter fetisch... She plays with it and cleans it until there's just a thread left. Crazy cat... But she sure is cute! Nah, it feels like I just want to go back to every-day life again. Starting one of my projects. I never finished painting the doors and exchanging that nobs and handles... That's first... And then for the walk-in closet. I need to buy a serious amount of hangers so I can get rid of drawers in there.... At least half of it. It takes up waaaay too much space. Right now it's so cramped in there, you do anything to avoid going in. Time to change that... You eventually grow tired of wearing table cloths and bed sheets and feel like you really should put something on going to work ;o)
I should really hit the sack... Just have to fix my nails first before they break. And if I'm really lucky I might just get a text msg or something before i call it a night!
Nighty night, don't let the bed bugs bite =)
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