I have so many thoughts right now, just twirling around inside of this weird brain of mine. A thousand words waiting to be expressed but there are simply too many of them and it all becomes a blur. Sentences getting entangled. Where to start? For the first time in a while I today found myself doubting the immense happiness I've been experiencing lately. It scared me. I dare claim this is the first time, possibly ever, that I've felt really at ease with my presens without anything specific being envolved. No new love, no new exciting tasks, just plain life. Yesterday I was walking around the grounds and everthing was just so beautiful. Every little pine cone was pure perfection in my eyes and it filled me with a sense of completion. Today, however, another feeling emerged, a feeling not as pleasant. A feeling of doubt. A doubt that made me think I'm weaker than I thought. I makes me agry to think that I let things that people say get to me so easily. There is this one person, nothing extraordinary about him really, he's just like everybody else, has his good and his bad sides. It's just.... When he has a bad day he takes it out on his surroundings big time. And what pisses me off the most is the fact that I actually care and my promise to myself not to... Mouth back, for the greater good so to speak. But it's frustrating, and if I hadn't had my new friend to talk to during at least half of the day I'm not sure I would get through it. So thank you Kerstin, you brighten up my day!! =)
I really should be doing the dishes, vacuuming, doing me yoga, but I'm all drained out. No energy left. I could really use a great big hug right now. Maybe an Anneke-hug =) They're amazing, you can actually feel the possitive energy and love flowing into you. I don't like feeling this way... It's like I wanna laugh and cry at the samt time. Jumping up and down at the same time as dropping to the floor. These are the moments when I miss having a man in my life, a soulmate. Someone to tell me that I'm way better than to feel like that and that I shouldn't let things effect me so easily. Sometimes you need to use other people as a mirror to remind yourself who you really are and that you deserve the things you want and need in life. That you should never let anyone make you feel less of yourself. That you can be exactly whoever you want to be as long as you allow yourself to it. Fear not. I guess that's partly what being single means, having to fight your battles alone without a co-pilot. Don't you just love my ways of putting things!? Haha...
Well, I just had to get it out of my system and now I have. So back to doing some good around here, the sweet dishes awaits me!
