Well, well...

Wow... I wonder if I've beaten some kind of personal record!? Not a single word in almost three months. Since it's my nature to write, I always wonder what brings me not to write sometimes when I feel sad or extremely happy about something. Normally I would be ready to burst if I couldn't put it in writing, but maybe I've unconsciously found other ways to express myself.
I've read a lot lately... Maybe that helps.
And speaking of reading I think I've got a new favorite author; Dean Koontz. Now I realize he's no Shakespeare or any other of litterature's great Gods, but he sure as hell can right exciting stuff.. The suspence is killing me, you're on needles throughout the entire book. I know Stephen King is known as the master of horror and suspence, and maybe his books are more brutal and visually more grotesque but I've never been pinned to a chair before, not being able to stop reading. Now, King is still one of my favorites.. He's so multifaceted... He does not only write horror fiction, but quite beautiful stories sometimes... Maybe beautiful ain't the best word, but nice... Containing a whole other sense of... Can't find the word for it.

I've been a bit on the down side lately, although the last week have been good. Keeping my fingers crossed it'll last. I think this fall will be life alternate for me. I've signed up for a healthclub... A membership of a year where not only do you train the body, you also train your thoughts. It's all about disciplining your mind. Break bad habits, get new good ones. Achieving goals you put up.Turning your life into what you want it to be. I also looked as some schools. Both single classes and entire educational programs. Decorating designer and interior designer. I want it, but both my selfesteem and my self confidence are so low right now that the word university itself scares the living crap out of me. I don't know why I have so many doubts. Maybe it's because I'm flying solo this time. Last time I had Tomas. Someone to catch my fall had I not managed to get in. Someone for comfort. I hate that I'm a little scaredy cat, so afraid of failure. But by all means, this time I will conquer my fear and send applications to all the schools I wanna attend. I think it's quite easy to forget why we fight our way through life sometimes... It's important to get your priorities straight so you know what you are aiming for. And you should always shoot for the stars. I think I new friend taught me that. It's funny really how your mood can change from day to day. I had a talk with Marie about this yesterday. Some days you simply love life, the world is gloriously wonderful you barely know what to do with yourself. Miracles everywhere. And then the next day, not so enthusiastic at all. The world is a horrible place with death, greed and hunger. How could anyone want to put a child into this world full of hatred and ignorance? Yeah, I know, I sound like I suffer from M.P.D. hehe.
Anyhow I should be looking for my jewellery tongs. Mom'd bought a make-your-own-jewellery -kit and needed to borrow some of my aquipment. Fine by me, since I haven't made a necklace in ages. Although I should pick up on some of my old hobbies. I really need to learn to socialize with myself these forthcoming months! Might as well do something creative at the same time ;o) Or maybe painting? Or... Knitting... Or.... Hmm... You got any other suggestions? I'm all ears!

Right now I feel like I could sit here for hours, spilling my heart out. It's typical that I made plans... Think I've gotta go now... Maybe I'll tune back here later...

o.a.o :D