Inspirational

I just finished reading a book. A great book. A book that I hope will forever change my life. It's called "Self-esteem Now!" by Mia Törnblom. Such an amazing woman, such illumination, such strong will power. Unbelievable! For every chapter I "oooohed" and "aaaahed" as I constantly realized things about myself and things about others in my surrounding. The "ahaaa-moments" never seemed to seize. I learned so much about myself. Things of which I had no clue what so ever about. Why we feel or act a certain way and how we respond to influences from the outside without even know it. I remember thinking at one point that each and every one of us should read this. It's like an awakening. I also learnt the significant difference between self-confidence and self-esteem which I up to this point thought were pretty much the same thing. Let me tell you it's not! It's not the same at all! Self confidence is your own faith in yourself when it comes to performing, your abilities, whilst self-esteem is your evaluation of your own worth. Mia writes alot about different exercises that will help improve you well being and strengthening your self-esteem, bit by bit. She, among other things, suggests a "I'm good- book" in which you write every day. Things you did good during the day, things you are thankful for, things you did less good etc. And also to create your own private affirmations for you to tell yourself face to face in the mirror. She presses the fact to tell yourself that you are good just the way you are and if you don't believe what you're saying; lie until it becomes the truth. It's hard to just sum it all up like this, the shortness of the explaination kind of diminshes the power of her words. So can I just, once more, highly recommend "Self-esteem Now!" Even if you don't thing you have any problems it'll surely help you understand others. I for one went out to buy a new smpty-paged book to fill with my affirmations and my "I am good"- stuff!
Having said this I'd also like to tell you that the other day I recieved the highest level of compliments I could ever hope to get. I'm not gonna tell you what it was though, butjust that I was speachless. It wasn't one of those ordinary "I've-never-seen-anyone-as-beautiful-as-you"-kind of comment, but a few words of my meaning to someone. I didn't even know I had the power to influence someone in that way. Let me tell you, it was a boost for both my self-esteem and my self-confidence.
Last Sunday I went to an "Asparagus-Sunday" in Kristianopel and surroundings with Kerstin and Berra. I can't even begin to express how much I like spending time with them. They're so warm and loving and it surely feels like Kerstin's my guardian angel. Even though there's a huge age difference it doesn't matter... I think we complement each other. My big sister... She has such a big heart. I truly wish nothing but happiness for her. She's done so much for others her intire life, now it's her turn to live. Anyway, back to the asparaguses... It was perfect weather and we walked around Kristianopel (there's no place like it) and then after a few hours we went back to Ramdala and had a great big BBQ... Berra's the shit!! He's an awsome cook! As an appetizer he made asparaguses rapped in ham with melted cheese on top, oven made. Sooo good. And for the main course bbqed meat, mushrooms, potatoes split in two and Kerstin and I made tzatziki and for the first time ever (my first time) aioli from scratch! It was all oh so very good! I've never left their house in any other state than stuffed, haha!
I have a little conflict of mind about the upcoming days... What I wanna do with my spare time... Saturday night I hope to get drunk and go out and have the time of my life and Sunday I'm going to Kalmar with mum. But the rest of the time....? Tomorrow evening, Thursday, Friday evening and Saturday... There are so many things I'd like to do... Torn....
A funny thing happened last Sunday. Or I don't know what's so funny really, but I wasn't really prepared. Jens came online on MSN (he's rarely there) and we started talking and he wondered if I'd like to get together soon. I was surprised , but in a good way. I really didn't think he'd care... It's always like that when you break up with someone and you say "of course we'll stay friends... I still want you in my life", but in the end it just doesn't happen... And when he said I'll call you, but not in a while, I was more or less sure that he wouldn't. After all, I hurt him. But looky yonder, he did! Well, I guess there's one more exception. Tomas and I still speak occasionally... Not very often though. I actually thought for a while that it would actually work out fine for us to be friends and hang out, but... I'm guessing his girlfriend's not really okay with it any more. She pulled a fit last year and I feel I got waaaay more than I deserved... Buuuut, she probably had her reasons. I'm not the one to judge! But it's a shame, I thought they both were very nice. C'est la vie!
Latey I've hade this urge to go a little crazy... Do whatever I feel like and just forget all my fears. Get drunk, pinch someone's ass... Dance as ugly as I possibly can on the dance floor... Go out in my slippers... Anything really. Just to remind myself that I am still alive!
Nah, time for an hour of pain and delight! Shakti!!
Nighty night!