God, here I go with my thoughts again. Starting to feel pretty pathetic by now, haha. There's always something stirring underneath the surface of Miss. Andersson's mind.
Some relations are really hard to figure out. When you don't quite know where the other half stands. Don't know what button's not to press, what to say and what not to. It's tricky. I dare say I know myself pretty well, it sure would be strange otherwise. But the thing is... I know what I'm feeling, I know what I ought to do, I have a pretty clear idea of what's going on, but still... I can't bring myself to do the right thing. Because I'm scared? Probably. But what do I really have to lose? I know that if I don't listen to my intuition and then things goes straight to hell, I'll blame myself for not doing what I should've done when I felt it coming. If I DO listen and make things happen, I'll blame myself for bailing and for not sticking around long enough to see what would've happened. Weird dilemma. I can speak my mind, but I rarely do. It's seldom it's paid off in a way that made me achieve what I was trying to accomplish in the first place. To day I really felt like bursting into an angry rain of curses as someone made a comment that I truly despised. I had a lot to say, but I've learnt the hard way, that most of the time it's better to keep quiet and let it rest. The downside of keeping a low profile is all the stuff you bottle up inside. I wish I could let some things just slide, let it run off me like water on a goose, but unfortunately I'm not that sort of person. It make me so irritated when this certain someone makes complains about other people. How they have no self distans and how they always think they're the world's greatest. Compleetely flawless. I only have one thing to say: Take a good look in the mirror! It takes one to know one, if you know what I mean!? GAAAAAAH!
I realised a pretty funny thing about myself a while back. I consciously let people underestimate me. Just for the kicks. I sometimes make out to be a fairly lost girl. Unexperienced and unknowing. But the fact is, that's not what I am at all. But it's fun to see how people treat you and then you can laugh silently to yourself. Like the people I work with. They know an Emelie that's not even half of who I am. They know tiny parts of me, the parts I choose to reveal. (Haha, this action is probably some weird disease with a really fancy name to go with it. Wouldn't surprise me one bit. Some social disorder, hahahaha! ) I don't do this for that reason alone, sometimes I use it as a diffence mechanism, when I meet new people. I probably come off as being a pretty stiff, uptight, boring person as a first impression. I like to watch people before I interact with them, I don't say much, just a few sentances here and there until I think I have a pretty clear picture of what they're like. (Wow, reading this through makes me wonder if I should be hospitalized or at the least in a therapist's couch. ) Anyway...
The day after tomorrow I go for a roadtrip to Stockholm with a few friends. Planning to have a great time. Seeing Mattias on Thursday night, Friday's booked with Christine and Stefan, shopping, mary-go-rounds and a gay club included (what don't I do for my friends, haha!?) Saturday I plan to spend with my sweetie whom I haven't seen since last summer. Staying the last night at her place so we can hang out a.m.a.p. My little Emelie =) Maybe if I'm lucky I get to see Dennis and Dick as well, but so far every time I've been to Sthlm, I've failed for one reason or another. It's pretty funny, this week end is the exact same weekend Christine and I went to Sthlm last year. This has to be celebrated, haha!
Starting to get a bit tired now... I ought to go do something useful instead of spending my time in front of a radiating screen. I suppose the ever so appealing dishes await =(
O.A.O
